Amnesia

My heart goes out to people who suffer from amnesia (amongst a lotta other things). How difficult is it for a man to start all over again, leaving behind the memories - which would never be his!
Or is it not? Life's full of fuck ups and making new starts could also be easier than dealing with the past! Yeah life could be so much easier then :)

For some part of my life i wanted an escapade to leave the past behind. I shifted to another city only to realize that i can run from certain things, not from others and above all never from my own self, my own true self that finds me every night that I pretend to sleep. And i start life right from the point i leave it every night, having stopped believing in miracles that things might change overnight!

What I've realized in the recent past is that I was heard sometimes and gifted with something i asked for - a memory loss - Amnesia - something that's an integral part of me now.

Why else would i forget all the insults and ignorance i received from them, and show up at their door whenever they remember me!

Why else would i forget all the times when i asked them to be there and they never were, and still believe that they will be when i need them!

Why else would i forget, that even after saying goodbye (i do not use the word BYE or GOODBYE, just use it once), i still greeted them or their calls with the same smiling face!

Why else would i forget all the times that i've asked and promised myself to go into my hiding, yet come out here to express myself!!

Amnesia gives me a little hope of being a better being ..... but it kills me softly .... keeps killing me .... softly .... everyday......everytime!