a piece of him

He never felt a thing while he walked away the last time. He wasn’t sure whether that’s a good thing or bad. Some thought it’s a good thing, but deep within he knew it can’t be!
He knew longer days await him. But like everyone always says – he has been a fighter, not merely a warrior but a survivor as well. He would see through this with ease, not initially but over a period of time. What they didn’t know was, this time he doesn’t want to! He wants to keep scratching his own wounds, if others don’t do it, so that he still feels the same pain he did, or maybe even more. He wanted them to stay fresh forever and he had find ways to do it. This time he wasn’t vanishing because he wanted to feel the pain of being very much there but being treated as invisible, as someone who doesn’t exist, as someone not cared for. He loves this feeling so much.
He knows he is not one of those charming guys, but there has to be someone, maybe just one in the whole wide world who could love him! Who would love him. He smiles whenever he gets this feeling down his nerves. He smiles whenever in pain.

All of a sudden he had too much time in his hands and he didn’t know how to utilize it. Maybe he could sell some of it to someone without asking for a price. All he felt was wasted, ignored, hated! He wanted to fill himself with some of those feelings but was never able to.

He still feared that one thing he anticipated for the most. That one call. That one call of hers. How much he has been waiting for it. How much he wants her not to call!


Soon enough he started not finding all the comfort he used to with strangers. And with people of the past! He didn’t know what to talk to them. His conversations became shorter and shorter. His words were drying up soon. Good signs for him. He wants them to dry up completely. He wanted to be in the territory he loves the most. Silent. Silent without people asking him why he is, because no one would care to! And even if someone does, the answers wouldn’t flow out of him.

Inspite of all the mix responses he give, the truth remained – he was missing her.
Whenever he did and had a chance to read their last conversation, he did, only to feel more pain! Maybe she wasn’t herself when she said or wrote all that. Maybe she was in a bad bad bad mood. Maybe she had too much already going in her life that she took it all out on the person who was amongst the closest only to feel better, maybe it was a result of all the talks he used to give her, maybe he forced her to say all that, maybe a zillion of other reasons…………..the fact remains………..she never called him back, when she should have. She was the one to repeatedly say that misunderstandings should be cleared as n when they arise, and he always, like an obedient human, did that! But this time he waited for her. And well, maybe it was too late in the day to call and talk about things that have gone by. But he still wishes maybe once she did. For once she did. For once, when it would have mattered the most to him!