Strange are Strangers ... at least me!

It was only when i felt something warm at the corner of my eye, i pushed the lazy me outta bed at 4:30 a.m.....cuz i needed to talk....and what better place to :)
The only thing I dont know is WHY! or WHAT!

I am still as speechless....as mindless and as thoughtless as i was uptil a few hours ago.

Yesterday started as any other normal day...and ended the same way too...but something in between has been a part of me .... and wil be for some more time to come.

lets recall the day in brief....catching Haathi online and he asking me names of girls he can hit on (that was funny) and telling geting in tuch with his ex-love that very moment....and surprisingly my ex-flame coming online after ages...and a little convo with her online....of course she not bothering a bit to talk....and yeah a compliment that i looked good in my bro's wedding pics (of course i did :P )...what was surprising was she saw it on my bhabhi's profile....even she is added in her list...not me!! haha..was weird...especially after u know u have been separated for 6 years now...and how the hell she knows my bhabhi?? lol ... ok must have been through my brother with whom she has been in tuch via the internet.... but she is one topic i do not discuss with anyone...so lets end here.

spending some time online....trying to write something but somehow...just diverting mind into something else...coming across a blog which rattled me...enough not being able to write or comment anything in there......and of course handling a little work from home :)

a movie....a couple of relatives.....friends coming over in the evening ..... drinks ... dinner. Online chats...funny and weird ones.....especially when u take a couple of people off ur list for no reasons...or yeah minute reasons...lol...that was funny and um sure she still wonders why...hehehehe. But thats just me....at my best...at my worst...at par with myself when um drunk!! Just another day...time to sleep....its a good thing to sleep by 12 when u have an important early morning meeting in office....office which is 50 kms away!

but it was only when i hit the bed...things started hitting me...or should i say...something started hitting me hard. In the recent past I've ben trying to keep myself away from other people miseries...i try to spare them from the unwanted love and care that i shower on them...basically try not to make a fool of myself by being their mommy-daddy all the time.....but guess this time...i felt some pain....someone else's pain within me.... A pain i saw....cud never evaluate the extent though...a pain i felt...but of course me feeling it hardly matters....ana a pain i read today...a pain that has kept me up since the time i hit bed....a pain that reflected in that lil drop of tear that somehow escaped my eyes and pushed me outta bed!

she always seems so calm...so in control of self.....so into ur troubles...even while her personal life was breaking into pieces all this while. of course u cant expect an absolute stranger to open her book of life in fronta u .... but in a way she did .... she did open her blog :)

i do not know u....but i always tried striking a conversation without even knowing how to start talking about U! every post..post after post i knew its gonna happen...but i din know from where to start...what to say...how to be there (especially when i wasnt even needed)...so basically i tried making a fool of myself....but thanks to u that our convo's just stayed limited to me...or around some stupid ideas of promoting ur brand.

i have always been there for ppl to make them smile....cheer them up while i was burying down lots within...somehow seeing ppl around u happy gives u a hapiness beyond ur imagination...and thats where my hapiness lies in..has been for a long time now..in fact been the only hapiness ive known for all this while....but today i realised the kinda mortal i am....

it is rather weird to feel this way....the worst not being able to tell that i actually care (no matter how weird that sounds) .... but in a way i just did!! (wasnt intentional...i just realised i did!)

i so wanted to talk...actually talk wthout knowing what to..just wanted to talk.


and i still do not know what to say...what to write!!

hats off to the person u r....to the stregth u possess ..... to the beautiful soul u r .....
all wud be ok soon ..... n like once a wise person told me rather commented on my post ----- its only after the darkest night that lies the brightest morn!

so much more to say.....just do not know what to!

take care..... :)