yeah...i began penning it down.....just too much to post it here....
i realized....my silence speaks nothing! i used to think it does! they'll never know what my smallest of actions mean....they'll never know how much they say....they'l never realize all the times i let my words (unspoken....maybe in written) speak for a part of what i have within!
they'll never know it....n its only now that i know it!
so is it that they're blind? or acting blind? or so dumb to not get it!!
ill write it and it'l be gone sooner or later......
but my silent story will remain within me! the only one that does!
ill rewrite it...over n over again....in my mind....on my soul.....perhaps the only time i watched it all....smiled....and maybe would let it go......
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
the insomniac sleeps
anything to spend time with her. finally had one chance of doing it....and ended up doing that! maybe in the minutest of ways...neverthless did.
that little convo on the way utarofied all the gussa i had from the past day.
thot maybe wud losen up after getting a little high in a party....but well...that din seem possible.
a long fixing up of a puncture added to the night....ha ha...maybe i was destined to spend a few more moments with her....half n hour at the party wud have been a little better though.....but the puncture for sure was more memorable!
n then finally.....i speak up.....things i havent for a while....things i shudnt have....things i din know ho wto put forward.....neverthless i did.
i started off with things thinking that i wud let out all....but realized mid way that i wud hate myself if i did....so ended my topics abruptly. but whatever i let out...made me feelbetter at the end of the day.....and the best thing hapened (apart from the obvious one)....i slept....and i slept well! all thru da night. all thru da morning. i slept. (nothing for guessing what my dreams were comprised of).
thankz ... thanx to u
dunno when will i get to spend some time with ya again :(
that little convo on the way utarofied all the gussa i had from the past day.
thot maybe wud losen up after getting a little high in a party....but well...that din seem possible.
a long fixing up of a puncture added to the night....ha ha...maybe i was destined to spend a few more moments with her....half n hour at the party wud have been a little better though.....but the puncture for sure was more memorable!
n then finally.....i speak up.....things i havent for a while....things i shudnt have....things i din know ho wto put forward.....neverthless i did.
i started off with things thinking that i wud let out all....but realized mid way that i wud hate myself if i did....so ended my topics abruptly. but whatever i let out...made me feelbetter at the end of the day.....and the best thing hapened (apart from the obvious one)....i slept....and i slept well! all thru da night. all thru da morning. i slept. (nothing for guessing what my dreams were comprised of).
thankz ... thanx to u
dunno when will i get to spend some time with ya again :(
Monday, September 8, 2008
miracles do happen
so far the biggest day....rather the heaviest for me :)
lost a friend (if that was friendship)...more than that!
was forgiven for my sins....maybe they were just words...neverthless read them clear - "i forgive u"
and yeah....forgiven twice...once when the day just began!!
and so much more.....just cant write it down.....
i miss her.....n i realized no wonder y i loved her so damn much :)
goodbye after 5 years, 3 months and 4 dayz she did came along.....maybe cuz she wanted it...
past is gone...no hang ups...ill be a better human tomorow for sure....tonight....i just wanna cry...just that its really hard to
listening to teh song - "jaane na kahan wo duniya hai
jaane na wo hai bhi ya nahi
jahaan meri zindagi mujhse
itni khafa nahi" .............since morning........humming along....asking myself....answering myself.....but today i have the right to....
thanks :)
n yeah....today adds up to 9 as well :)
miracles do happen!!!!!!!!!
:)
looking forward to be hurt again............
better to find some hapiness and to get hurt than to keep scratching those old wounds :)
or is it beter to keep to oneself.........dunno.....he has been like that for a long time now....he doesnt even know the answer to his questions....let life teach him in the best possible way :)
amen
better to find some hapiness and to get hurt than to keep scratching those old wounds :)
or is it beter to keep to oneself.........dunno.....he has been like that for a long time now....he doesnt even know the answer to his questions....let life teach him in the best possible way :)
amen
past comes calling..
has been a little hard to know how to respond or to react when past comes calling...
How he waited for something from her minute after minute and just when she remembers her...his simple responses change into reactions only to kill it all away.
it was hard for him to get over those insults and that ignorance but even harder to get over his angel.
he just wanted to push her away...she is the one to make him do that in the first place.
he never lieks to explain his actions....neither will she ever understand.
"theres no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
theres nothing to keep me sane
and its all the same to u
theres no where to set my aim
so um everywhere
never come near me again
do u really think i need u?"
she never bothered to know how was he hanging along...what he was gng through....just those formalities.....and he wanted her to know he doesnt need them...and made sure that he threw the mesage across by acting wierdly all the times!!
how he wishes she doesnt pretends anymore and faces the facts....how he wants her to see where they stand.....rather where she stands and how is he crawling to walk again!
time to rest in peace
amen :)
How he waited for something from her minute after minute and just when she remembers her...his simple responses change into reactions only to kill it all away.
it was hard for him to get over those insults and that ignorance but even harder to get over his angel.
he just wanted to push her away...she is the one to make him do that in the first place.
he never lieks to explain his actions....neither will she ever understand.
"theres no one to take my blame
if they wanted to
theres nothing to keep me sane
and its all the same to u
theres no where to set my aim
so um everywhere
never come near me again
do u really think i need u?"
she never bothered to know how was he hanging along...what he was gng through....just those formalities.....and he wanted her to know he doesnt need them...and made sure that he threw the mesage across by acting wierdly all the times!!
how he wishes she doesnt pretends anymore and faces the facts....how he wants her to see where they stand.....rather where she stands and how is he crawling to walk again!
time to rest in peace
amen :)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
..............
jaane na kahan wo duniya hai
jaane na wo hai bhi ya nahi
jahaan meri zindagi mujhse
itni khafa nahi
singing to the tunes of this song.....feels so good......
um still questioning....without a question mark....cuz i know my questions will never be answered! they arent meant to be!
too much to write.....too little time.......every blink of the eye gives me a thousand lines that can be written......so either i shud not blink them at all.....or shut them for once!
amen!
jaane na wo hai bhi ya nahi
jahaan meri zindagi mujhse
itni khafa nahi
singing to the tunes of this song.....feels so good......
um still questioning....without a question mark....cuz i know my questions will never be answered! they arent meant to be!
too much to write.....too little time.......every blink of the eye gives me a thousand lines that can be written......so either i shud not blink them at all.....or shut them for once!
amen!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
past....can it ever be killed?
men the digit 9 has an old relation...right from the day i was born ...n will go on till the last moment i live....and it strikes again.....somehow, somewhere.....it alwayz does.
begining of september the 9th month...past comes face to face...not once....but over n over again....ur fears from which u somehow escaped hold u again........!!
thinking about past......ppl get over it...some kill it....some bury it and ppl do god knows how many things......but can it ever be killed? the moments gone for sure but what it brought to u hafat be carried ......carried all thru ur life.....u can coviniently forget it.....but something somewhere will throw it back at u...........!!
maybe all the extra ordinary ppl out there can kill it all......um ordinary.......just damn ordinary....i cant!
begining of september the 9th month...past comes face to face...not once....but over n over again....ur fears from which u somehow escaped hold u again........!!
thinking about past......ppl get over it...some kill it....some bury it and ppl do god knows how many things......but can it ever be killed? the moments gone for sure but what it brought to u hafat be carried ......carried all thru ur life.....u can coviniently forget it.....but something somewhere will throw it back at u...........!!
maybe all the extra ordinary ppl out there can kill it all......um ordinary.......just damn ordinary....i cant!
real vs fake
how do u tell fake from real...........or real from fake?
u can find the real faking urself......or the fake faking urself...............or when ur real how can u get real in carefully setting aside whats fake and whats real!
especially when u urself dont know what u feel.....how u feel......wether u r REAL within or not...
too much to be captured....too less a time
amen
u can find the real faking urself......or the fake faking urself...............or when ur real how can u get real in carefully setting aside whats fake and whats real!
especially when u urself dont know what u feel.....how u feel......wether u r REAL within or not...
too much to be captured....too less a time
amen
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