thinking too hard. thinking too long. what i dont know is what to think about.
knowing what to think about would hurt, actually would cuz the obvious aint all that sweet.
"i know it looks like im moving but im standing still
every nerve in my body is so vacant n numb
i cant even remember what i came here to get away from"
"i aint looking for anything in anyones eyes" but ........... those eyes .......... the most beautiful ive ever seen ....... not one of the most beautiful but actually the most beautiful!
she can make me smile.......but will the sepulchre ever smile?
will the sepulchre breathe again??
guess what!!
he wants to this time..........dun wanna think long.......dun wanna think hard............i want to.........i need to. I believe in GOD. GOD plz believe in me this time.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
that smile....
fucked up. betrayed by fortunes. lonely. betrayed by self. the past few days were something he wud never forget. inspite of everything, that one smile, how it works for him to fake another one, neverthless he loves that smile.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
never say die
i had it in my name....in my blood...in my veins....n to some extent i still do but maybe not for teh things that should matter the most!
was out for a fag and saw this litle kid (son of a dhobi, next to my usual sutta spot) trying to fly a kite...he tried and he tried....but couldnt. i also saw a 20-30 metre long string he had....even if he succeeded in flying the kite...his hapiness wouldnt have last all that long! neverthless he tried.
what hit my mind was when he said - "main uss neeli patang se pechhe ladaoonga!". i looked up to see a high flyin kite upto which only his ambitions could have reached, not his kite!
he tried and he tried.
when i walked upto him and said - "main udaoon?" ..... he simly looked at me as if i was some untouchable (ok he hates me cuz i used to scold him,lol).
things striked me. i had that never say die attitude. those ambitions of mine too flew high. is it that with time hat passes by those ambitions subside. or is it that one turns practical. or could be a zillion other things. but still i asked myself - "where are they?" for sure not lost! maybe supressed somewhere! supresed by all the unwanted stuff i have within. things that i shud get rid of. and i will. i promise myself that i will!
guess this is the first ever promise i've made to myself. immortalizing it by putting it up here!
how ive promised ppl for different things (rarely i do) and made sure i stick to it, cuz my words mean to me more than anything else :)
hope i keep my words this time too
amen :)
was out for a fag and saw this litle kid (son of a dhobi, next to my usual sutta spot) trying to fly a kite...he tried and he tried....but couldnt. i also saw a 20-30 metre long string he had....even if he succeeded in flying the kite...his hapiness wouldnt have last all that long! neverthless he tried.
what hit my mind was when he said - "main uss neeli patang se pechhe ladaoonga!". i looked up to see a high flyin kite upto which only his ambitions could have reached, not his kite!
he tried and he tried.
when i walked upto him and said - "main udaoon?" ..... he simly looked at me as if i was some untouchable (ok he hates me cuz i used to scold him,lol).
things striked me. i had that never say die attitude. those ambitions of mine too flew high. is it that with time hat passes by those ambitions subside. or is it that one turns practical. or could be a zillion other things. but still i asked myself - "where are they?" for sure not lost! maybe supressed somewhere! supresed by all the unwanted stuff i have within. things that i shud get rid of. and i will. i promise myself that i will!
guess this is the first ever promise i've made to myself. immortalizing it by putting it up here!
how ive promised ppl for different things (rarely i do) and made sure i stick to it, cuz my words mean to me more than anything else :)
hope i keep my words this time too
amen :)
dreams VS reality
there are times when reality is like an illusion, maybe a self made one, and its hard to distinguish between dreams and reality........or maybe u just forget what exactly was a dream n what exactly was the reality.......the previous night!
geting high, night after night, u remember more ro less everything, but whats hard to remember is wether u dreamt about it or did it actually hapened!
call records and mesages help u to some extent for sure :)
dunno why i wanna escape the realities for some time and set myself as someone i wudnt wanna be.
maybe just cuz i need to
geting high, night after night, u remember more ro less everything, but whats hard to remember is wether u dreamt about it or did it actually hapened!
call records and mesages help u to some extent for sure :)
dunno why i wanna escape the realities for some time and set myself as someone i wudnt wanna be.
maybe just cuz i need to
Saturday, August 16, 2008
,./?><
how many special people change?
how many lives are living strange?
where were you while I was getting high....??
an extract....
morning after morning he woke up (he is controlling his insomnia well now!) with the same hollowness and emptiness. nuthing seemed to change. nothing ever will.
the previous night alwayz runs on his mind.....of how normally he tried to behave with THEM only to get a normal behaviour back......but it was only in the morning that he realised that how could he even expect anything outta them!
one choice he cannot make out is......whether he shud keep walking towards the wrong direction....or start walking backwards....away from the right one!
the previous night alwayz runs on his mind.....of how normally he tried to behave with THEM only to get a normal behaviour back......but it was only in the morning that he realised that how could he even expect anything outta them!
one choice he cannot make out is......whether he shud keep walking towards the wrong direction....or start walking backwards....away from the right one!
Friday, August 15, 2008
ignorance.....
hw this feeling ahs killed me in the past....
n how it does again........n again....n again!
they are all different humans.....know different things about me...know me diferently......have interacted them on different terms......but they all have one common trait...........they all ignore me :)
i wonder y the fuck do i still smile!
taking a call doesnt take all that effort....neither does calling back when ur not able to take a call......ormiss it due to reasons!
and how about replying back to mesages??
i still hold on to them.......cant believe this is me.....so cannot believe that!
but i guess now its time.......its time to believe the facts......its time to take things into consideration.....its time to keep things to urself......its time to be one of them.....its time.
i know i wont get a call from the ones who "MISSED" it.....still id wait....only to hurt myself again :)
"i hurt myself again
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing thats real"
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend..
everyone i know
goes away
in the end
n u cud have it all
my empire of dirt
i wud let u down
i would make u hurt"
"if i cud start again
a million miles away
i would keep to myself
i wud find a way"
n wud still smile :)
n how it does again........n again....n again!
they are all different humans.....know different things about me...know me diferently......have interacted them on different terms......but they all have one common trait...........they all ignore me :)
i wonder y the fuck do i still smile!
taking a call doesnt take all that effort....neither does calling back when ur not able to take a call......ormiss it due to reasons!
and how about replying back to mesages??
i still hold on to them.......cant believe this is me.....so cannot believe that!
but i guess now its time.......its time to believe the facts......its time to take things into consideration.....its time to keep things to urself......its time to be one of them.....its time.
i know i wont get a call from the ones who "MISSED" it.....still id wait....only to hurt myself again :)
"i hurt myself again
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing thats real"
"what have i become?
my sweetest friend..
everyone i know
goes away
in the end
n u cud have it all
my empire of dirt
i wud let u down
i would make u hurt"
"if i cud start again
a million miles away
i would keep to myself
i wud find a way"
n wud still smile :)
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